A On a December evening in Berlin, a young mother begins to sing on the street: “In the Christmas Bakery”. The four-year-old girl accompanying her wants to join, but wonders how it will continue. Fortunately, the repertoire of festive songs is large enough for a detour. Shrill and excited, it echoes across Friedrichstraße: “O Tannenbaum! O Tannenbaum!”
These are the childlike episodes that grow into unforgettable memories: at some point in the year, when it gets cold, the adults suddenly become musical, candles are lit and string lights are hung. Surprises in the shoe, a calendar countdown, then the finale: a big celebration with family, food, and gifts. Christmas.
But for many people, that level of harmony at the holidays exists only in childhood, and for others this Coca‑Cola version of Christmas has never been reality. Instead of anticipation, especially adolescents feel anxiety before the Christmas holidays: “Families often sit together with very high expectations: Now the holidays are here, everything has to be perfect,” says Juliane Pougin. She leads the psychosocial counseling department at Krisenchat, an independent advisory service where young people can anonymously talk to experts about their mental burdens. “That’s already a very exhausting notion for many youths,” Pougin notes. Unfortunately, it often proves true.
Counseling Needs Particularly High During the Holidays
For young people, Christmas can become the most burdensome time of the year. Between December 24 and December 26, Krisenchat registers, based on past evaluations, a 150 percent increase in the demand for counseling. According to the counseling center, nearly a quarter of all conversations during the Christmas holidays revolve around family conflicts. Sometimes it’s about political topics, sometimes about seemingly trivial matters like the food: “Even the question from youths, ‘Why is this not vegan?’ can trigger older people, and the fiercest arguments can unfold,” Pougin describes. But even discursive Christmas classics, such as questions about education, job prospects, offspring, or lifestyle, carry escalation potential.
Sometimes these topics end in open conflict; often those affected suppress sadness and anger because they want to meet the expectation of family harmony at Christmas.
A major problem, according to Pougin, is also the lack of retreat options and contact with friends during the holidays.
Ganz abgesehen davon, ist die Idee der harmonischen Familie für gut ein Viertel der jungen Menschen in Deutschland schon strukturell eine Illusion. So groß ist laut Deutschem Jugendinstitut der Anteil der Kinder und Jugendlichen, die im Laufe ihrer jungen Jahre eine Trennung der Eltern erleben müssen. Für Trennungskinder kann die Weihnachtszeit verstärkt zum emotionalen Marathon werden: Eltern und Großeltern leben oft unversöhnlich getrennt, wollen aber trotzdem besucht werden – und richten dabei je ihre eigenen Projektionen und Erwartungen an den Nachwuchs.
Depressions and Anxiety Disorders Among Adolescents Strongly Prevalent
There is indeed conflict and dispute even in economically well-off and supposedly intact families, says Juliane Pougin: “That can also happen in the picture‑perfect family; the terraced house is affected just as much as the social housing.” Although recent studies show that the mental health of young people has gradually recovered since the negative low during the pandemic years, it has not yet returned to its former level.
Still, depression and anxiety disorders among young people, especially among girls and young women, remain strongly pronounced. Singing and gifts can at best comfort children over such problems. For adolescents, perhaps a start would be: understanding.
