: I had fruit for breakfast today and two slices of whole-grain bread with cottage cheese and honey. For lunch there was broccoli and potatoes au gratin with cheese, and afterwards a chocolate bar. How intuitive was that?
Nora Stankewitz: It depends on how many thoughts you had before, during and after eating and how you felt during it. There are people who tell themselves they have to eat super healthily—no sugar, nothing processed, only whole grains, no pasta in the evening, and so on. And if they don’t do that, they experience insane guilt afterward. Or they eat more of the dinner than they had planned, and afterward it’s doomsday. So intuitive eating is primarily about what the topic of eating triggers in us.
Im Interview: Nora Stankewitz
Nora Stankewitz studied cultural studies, has worked for five years in Dresden as a trained systemic therapist and for three years on the topic of intuitive eating. Her qualifications were earned at the German Society for Systemic Therapy, Counseling and Family Therapy, at the Frankfurt Center for Eating Disorders, and with the US dietitians Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch, who developed the concept of intuitive eating.
: On the internet, intuitive eating is often discussed as the method for sustainable weight loss. You do not mention weight loss even once on your website.
Nora Stankewitz: That’s not what it’s about, but about shedding the desire to conform to a specific body ideal, and instead developing an acceptance of one’s own eating and one’s own body, even if one isn’t always satisfied with it. But of course many women bring the desire to lose weight into counseling. Therefore I can’t exclude the topic. I’m concerned with also questioning what needs lie behind the wish for weight loss or weight control.
: When do I say goodbye to intuitive eating?
Nora Stankewitz: When feelings of pressure, coercion or guilt determine eating behavior. I am currently noticing this frequently among mothers. Many gain weight during pregnancy and then say afterward they simply can’t lose the kilos again. But do they have to? Our society still propagates the idea that a woman after giving birth should look the same as before. But that is not possible. Bodies change.
: How can you sharpen your intuition when it comes to eating?
Nora Stankewitz: It’s about listening to your own body signals or rediscovering them, i.e., hunger, desire, and fullness. Many people only eat when their stomach rumbles and their energy level is at the bottom. Hunger shows itself much earlier, through lack of concentration, impatience or headaches. It’s about (re)finding a sense of what and how much the body needs, and giving it that. I keep hearing women say they need to get their evening hunger under control. But it often turns out that they have eaten far too little during the day. Changing that in the long term is, for many, connected with the fear of gaining weight.
: How did you come to the topic of intuitive eating and what role did your upbringing in the 1990s and 2000s play in it?
Nora Stankewitz: I suffered from an eating disorder in my youth, which I managed to overcome fairly well with therapy. Therefore, my own involvement with the topic was mainly driven by my experience. Certainly I would have developed the eating disorder even without the trends of my youth. But in hindsight I find it frightening what was presented to us on television and in advertising back then, which body images were propagated. That was the era of Kate Moss, Size Zero, and the first seasons of Germany’s Next Top Model. There are always people who say that simply through such formats and trends one does not develop an eating disorder. That is true. But if resilience is already fragile, if you are going through a life change whose coping is hard, then such trends can ultimately be decisive. Because bodies are, unfortunately, wonderful places where we can enact our desire for control. Also because we live in a society that rewards this control with compliments and status.
: Why do you address women explicitly in your offerings?
Nora Stankewitz: Because we still live in patriarchal structures where women are taught to be as attractive as possible and to take up as little space as possible, both with their bodies and with their needs. It’s about meeting male demands and maintaining male dominance. This constant confrontation with one’s own body costs women so much time and energy that they lack it for other, perhaps more important battles. Therefore, for me, intuitive eating is also about emancipation.
: In what sense?
Nora Stankewitz: If a woman manages to finally make peace with her eating behavior, to say, I don’t care anymore whether my 1990 jeans fit or not, a new self-confidence arises that can also radiate into other areas of life. Not a few begin to question: What life am I actually leading? Am I even satisfied with the partnership I am currently in?
: Christmas is the time of stollen, cookies, and punch. The Internet is full of tips, mostly addressed to women, on how to make the holiday kilos disappear as quickly as possible. What does Christmas do to our eating behavior?
Nora Stankewitz: No other time of year do we get confronted with food as much. That can cause stress for many. Because they are told to eat things they don’t actually like. Or because they should keep eating even when they are full. Christmas is also the festival of Diet Talks, i.e., conversations about losing weight. It is commented on what you eat, how much you eat, how the body looks compared to last Christmas, and whether you should be a bit more careful. Many women are plagued by the fear of gaining weight at Christmas; some even go so far as to practice a kind of pre-diet. This shows how disturbed our relationship with food is. Because there is also a double standard: during the holidays it’s completely normal to stuff one’s face. If you gain weight and don’t shed the kilos immediately, you are met with guilt and shame.
: How can we free ourselves from that, at least during the holidays?
Nora Stankewitz: If you are truly afraid of gaining weight, you should consider seeking professional help. Otherwise I would strongly advise drawing clear boundaries. That means: don’t speak badly about your own body or others’ bodies, and push back when others do. A ban on Diet Talk during the holidays would be a good start. Also to see what else the family can talk about.
