It happened at that time that in the wonderfully cozy Christmas room there was a distinctly audible “crack.” Everyone present paled with fright and, those who were still able, sprang into action at the scene. They called the emergency doctor, rummaged for a cold pack from the freezer – good heavens, where was it? – and resolved to refresh their first-aid course.
For the crack did not come from the Christmas tree, which had toppled in its stand, for trees don’t topple anymore since the recently deceased Klaus Krinner developed the super Christmas tree stand; no, no, here it’s about that Christmas stand which, in the cozy, celebratory atmosphere, was erected and then subjected to far more strain than usual, so that it cracked loudly with a snap.
This text comes from the wochen. Our weekly newspaper from the left! In the wochen, every week is about the world as it is – and how it could be. A left-leaning weekly newspaper with a voice, stance and the special perspective on the world. Every Saturday anew at the kiosk and of course in subscription.
The Study
Researchers at the Munich University Hospital got caught up in the Christmas atmosphere everywhere: outside cold, inside cozy, gold-glittering Christmas decorations, Feuerzangenbowle, mistletoe, under which people came closer quite naturally. From there, the urologists thought, it wasn’t far from a penile fracture.
And indeed: penile fractures occur at Christmas days in Germany noticeably more often than on other days. For the study, they analyzed data from the Federal Statistical Office. From a tangle of numbers this: there would have been 43 percent more penile fractures in Germany since 2005 if every day were Christmas.
The atmosphere around the festival often ends for him in pain. Wild sex and unusual positions (“Reverse Cowgirl”) put the penis under extreme strain — the pain must be terrible, hematomas, swelling. When the penis “breaks,” tears arise in the tissue layer surrounding the penis’ erectile bodies. One should go to the hospital immediately.
You are reading a text from our Future section. If you crave more positive perspectives, subscribe to TEAM FUTURE, the constructive newsletter on climate, knowledge, utopias. Every Thursday you will receive an email from us with strong thoughts for you and the planet.
🐾 Sign up now for the TEAM FUTURE newsletter – free
What Does It Bring?
The greatest danger of a penile fracture lies on days of utmost relaxation. Christmas stands out, but every summer and every Sunday also show a higher incidence. The authors of the study contradict Elvis Presley et al.’s claim that the world would be wonderful if every day were like Christmas, and they close their summary with a paraphrase of the most famous of all Christmas pop songs, “Last Christmas” by Wham!: “This year, to save us from tears, we will NOT do something special.” In German: “Dieses Jahr werden wir es, um uns Tränen zu ersparen, NICHT besonders toll treiben.” It is a call to couples involved in penile activity to ease up on wild sexual techniques this Christmas in order to relieve urological clinics.
